Another nondescript monday. Two dudes are headed towards their office. Lets call them Dude-on-the-steering(DOS) and Dud-on-the-side-seat(DOSS).
A die hard F1 fan, DOS is pissed with the slowness on roads. Audioslave's "Show me how to live" is blaring on the speakers.
DOS was rattling out names of band members of Floyd etc and giving a scientific explanation on how Megadeath rocks and Metallica sucks. Some of it is going above DOSS's head and the rest of it even higher.
The car reaches the gate of the office. One of DOSS's managers is crossing the gate with her luggage pulling behind her. DOS is unaware that their is luggage behind her. Turns his head right to flash the badge to the security all along thinking DOSS's manager has passed and ends up almost touching her luggage.
Manager starts shouting having noticed DOSS. DOS bhai is unaware and keeps moving ahead.
DOSS: Dude, stop the car.
DOS : What!!??
DOSS: Fucking stop man!.
DOS runs back to the manager and apologises.
Manager: Go call your friend
DOS runs and gets his friend back.
DOSS apologises and the matter seems closed.
We go park the car in the basement and head for the lift making fun of the incident only to realise the same manager waiting for us. I have never been in a more deafeningly silent situation.
Manager goes and makes a complaint on the mannerisms of DOSS and friend to one of other managers who comes down and has a chat with DOSS. Straightly termed "spoilt brats".
DOS, the spoilt brat, heads for IIM Cal that summer.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
One in the Queue
Finally the day came when it dawned upon me that i needed to talk to the 6 most sought after ladies in the country.
VC: Sir, can i also get a chance to talk to Aishwarya Rai, Bipasha Basu, Chitrangada singh, Lara Dutta, Kareena Kapoor and Isha Koppikar.
Sir: Haha!... son!... these ladies don't have the time to talk to all of you. Only few lucky jackasses get the chance.
He whistles at the other guy( sleeves folded, collar upped and gutkha smeared teeth) "Oi!.. give this boy an application form".
VC: But sir ....
i am cut short
Sir: 1100 rupees and get in the queue please.
VC finds out that there are 2,49,999 people also for the same "talk".
Sir: Don't get tensed. There is a chance that Sushmita Sen also might be introduced this year to calm down some raising libidos.
VC: So what next now?
Sir: Nothing much. We need to know if you can find out cost of a wooden chair given the cost of a table , fan and the hair dryer. Oh wait... we also give you the cost of stone. And if you can find out how much was the one way charge of railway ticket from belgaum to ahmedabad in 1987 from a table of airline schedules of Chennai to Mumbai from 1965 to 1986 and a pricing chart of Bangalore BMTC from 1988 to 2008.
VC is looking at the sky now
Also we would like to know what Segmund Freud was thinking when Bertrand Russell said "A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand."
VC: thats it?
Sir: And you have to be real quick. like mach3 you know.
VC: Ok sir, thanks for your time.
Sir: Its ok. There are others who also let you talk to them . Some good ones being Madhuri Dixit, Shilpa shetty, Tabu. Other names are their in that form.
It was time for a drink. Gulp gulp gulp.
VC: Sir, can i also get a chance to talk to Aishwarya Rai, Bipasha Basu, Chitrangada singh, Lara Dutta, Kareena Kapoor and Isha Koppikar.
Sir: Haha!... son!... these ladies don't have the time to talk to all of you. Only few lucky jackasses get the chance.
He whistles at the other guy( sleeves folded, collar upped and gutkha smeared teeth) "Oi!.. give this boy an application form".
VC: But sir ....
i am cut short
Sir: 1100 rupees and get in the queue please.
VC finds out that there are 2,49,999 people also for the same "talk".
Sir: Don't get tensed. There is a chance that Sushmita Sen also might be introduced this year to calm down some raising libidos.
VC: So what next now?
Sir: Nothing much. We need to know if you can find out cost of a wooden chair given the cost of a table , fan and the hair dryer. Oh wait... we also give you the cost of stone. And if you can find out how much was the one way charge of railway ticket from belgaum to ahmedabad in 1987 from a table of airline schedules of Chennai to Mumbai from 1965 to 1986 and a pricing chart of Bangalore BMTC from 1988 to 2008.
VC is looking at the sky now
Also we would like to know what Segmund Freud was thinking when Bertrand Russell said "A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand."
VC: thats it?
Sir: And you have to be real quick. like mach3 you know.
VC: Ok sir, thanks for your time.
Sir: Its ok. There are others who also let you talk to them . Some good ones being Madhuri Dixit, Shilpa shetty, Tabu. Other names are their in that form.
It was time for a drink. Gulp gulp gulp.
Dhobi ghat ka kutta
There comes a time in everybody's life when everything starts going haywire. A situation so hopeless that you wonder if your bachelor's was worth all the mental pain you underwent. I was in one such desperate situation and desperate situations call for desperate measures. What i did was something sane people usually don't do and i also would "sincerely" suggest people in such situations not to take the way i took.
I had applied for GRE as well. Like a month before the GRE exam i realised that my preparations for both GRE and CAT were neck deep in shit. Take a look at the mock scores below ( in percentiles ) . Test 815 was the first mock and test 801 happened the week before CAT.
QA - Quantitative Aptitude
VA/RC - Verbal Ability/ Reading Comprehension
LR/DI - Logical Reasoning/ Data Interpretation
OA - Overall Percentile
So yes, i had become a dhobi ghat ka kutta - na ghar ka na ghat ka.
The master strategy that yours truly devised. One month from now would be for GRE. 10 days after that for TOEFL. 28 days after that for CAT. The 28 days also included that coorg trip where i made a jackass out of myself.
It was akin to that matrix scene..
Trinity:"Neo.. something like this has never been tried before"
Neo:"Thats why its gonna work!"
I had applied for GRE as well. Like a month before the GRE exam i realised that my preparations for both GRE and CAT were neck deep in shit. Take a look at the mock scores below ( in percentiles ) . Test 815 was the first mock and test 801 happened the week before CAT.
QA - Quantitative Aptitude
VA/RC - Verbal Ability/ Reading Comprehension
LR/DI - Logical Reasoning/ Data Interpretation
OA - Overall Percentile
TEST QA VA/RC LR/DI OA
815 DIDN'T KNOW THAT IT HAS ALREADY STARTED
814 STARTING PROBLEM
813 96.57 95.21 98.01 98.49
812 97.98 98.17 97.21 99.65
811 70.02 76.40 98.71 93.41
810 84.71 67.52 42.26 72.82
809 BUNKED
808 90.41 96.01 9.14
807 97.21 59.62 25.92 77.80
806 DIWALI
805 BUNKED
804 65.38 76.00 82.72 81.13
803 COORG TRIP
802 94.66 51.14 67.72 83.55
801 92.58 60.48 71.03 83.10
P.S : Test 808 does not have a overall percentile because i
had a net negative in LR/DI section. ROFL.
So yes, i had become a dhobi ghat ka kutta - na ghar ka na ghat ka.
The master strategy that yours truly devised. One month from now would be for GRE. 10 days after that for TOEFL. 28 days after that for CAT. The 28 days also included that coorg trip where i made a jackass out of myself.
It was akin to that matrix scene..
Trinity:"Neo.. something like this has never been tried before"
Neo:"Thats why its gonna work!"
GRE,TOEFL ,creating history and TOEFL
So i sneaked out of office in the afternoon for some "personal" work. And then gave the GREat exam. For all the GRE aspirants i only have one advice - please don't trust barron's when it comes to the aptitude part. I had never been so scared before while doing aptitude. Getting an 800 was more to save the face than getting anything out of it for an admit. And i could see myself turning yellow, which happens when you are "shit" scared.
For a while i seriously contemplating(GRE effect) of cancelling my score. But then i was already late in giving it. I would not make it this season if i had cancelled. So i went ahead. Managed a boundary line score. More importantly quant did not disappoint.
10 days later i had TOEFL, which some of my friends said, would be a walk in the park. Well i liked the park so much that i came back for a second time.
Like 6 days before the CAT i get this mail from ETS which told that their software somehow could not catch my voice and so they could not rate my speaking section which effectively means the whole process is void and that i had to take the exam all over again.Well for one i don't need a mike to address an audience in a theater and then this crap happening with me.
When i contacted the ETS guys, they had more interesting things to say. "This is the first time in the history of TOEFL Ibt that i have heard of something like this" with a sense of bewilderment that only a man who all along thought he was a woman would have surpassed.
6 days to go for the most competitive exam in the world and then this.
oh by the way its a walk in the jungle when it comes to the length of the exam. Some 100 miles long jungle.
For a while i seriously contemplating(GRE effect) of cancelling my score. But then i was already late in giving it. I would not make it this season if i had cancelled. So i went ahead. Managed a boundary line score. More importantly quant did not disappoint.
10 days later i had TOEFL, which some of my friends said, would be a walk in the park. Well i liked the park so much that i came back for a second time.
Like 6 days before the CAT i get this mail from ETS which told that their software somehow could not catch my voice and so they could not rate my speaking section which effectively means the whole process is void and that i had to take the exam all over again.Well for one i don't need a mike to address an audience in a theater and then this crap happening with me.
When i contacted the ETS guys, they had more interesting things to say. "This is the first time in the history of TOEFL Ibt that i have heard of something like this" with a sense of bewilderment that only a man who all along thought he was a woman would have surpassed.
6 days to go for the most competitive exam in the world and then this.
oh by the way its a walk in the jungle when it comes to the length of the exam. Some 100 miles long jungle.
CAT
Yet another time. different place. What did i find?
Dudes.
Guys who think they are dudes.
Chicks. Some hot ones.
Guys who were dressed like Eskimos( Thanks to Bangalore's cold weather).
Gals frantically flipping formulae compendiums. Some guys too.
Parents.
Institutes handing out pamphlets.
Software engineers. How did i figure out?. These guys didn't have a fukin clue as to why they were giving this exam.
Atleast one of the above will continue to remain a software engineer. Or a Farmer.
Guys who were more focussed than a lens of 100 diopters.
Guys with a box full of sharpened pencils.
Guys who were giving this exam because his friend is giving(Peer pressure).
Guys who were giving this exam because his friend gave it last time(Peer pressure 2.0).
Guys who turned up because their brother had filled the form.
Guys who came because its "cool yo" to give this exam.
Dudes.
Guys who think they are dudes.
Chicks. Some hot ones.
Guys who were dressed like Eskimos( Thanks to Bangalore's cold weather).
Gals frantically flipping formulae compendiums. Some guys too.
Parents.
Institutes handing out pamphlets.
Software engineers. How did i figure out?. These guys didn't have a fukin clue as to why they were giving this exam.
Atleast one of the above will continue to remain a software engineer. Or a Farmer.
Guys who were more focussed than a lens of 100 diopters.
Guys with a box full of sharpened pencils.
Guys who were giving this exam because his friend is giving(Peer pressure).
Guys who were giving this exam because his friend gave it last time(Peer pressure 2.0).
Guys who turned up because their brother had filled the form.
Guys who came because its "cool yo" to give this exam.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
IIFT
Had to leave the house by 7 AM. So was on the potti at 6 AM. I hear a painful wail. Trust me i have never heard such a loud and painful wail in my life ever. I wonder if i am the only guy hearing it. It stopped.
I get dressed and open the door. A dead cat right at the doormat. *phew*. What a day!.
9.30 . I am inside the examination centre. The chick in front of me is showing her thong in all glory and my concentration is put under test even before the darn exam has begun!
9.35 . I look around. I love you *****. Love is blind but lovers are not. Love is that. Love is this. Teenage graffiti.
9.40 . I happen to notice my bench. Take any point on the bench. Within a radius of 1 cm you will find 10 holes!.
9.45 . A lady enters. "Children... If you have any chits, papers .. throw them out now only. I am giving you chance now only. Later the squad will come and check. Your future is in your hand(holy shit!!)... I am very strict in these matters... Even if they don't catch , i will catch you(.|.) "
10. The Q-papers are distributed and i am assume Murphy is laughing. Because its in a totally different format from what it was supposed to be. They apparently took a leaf out of meaow's book!.
Some morons start asking clarifications about the paper to the lady.*sigh*.
For the benefit of future aspirants i want to analyze some questions.....
Which of the following teams secured the runner-up position in India's National Football League 2006-07?
a. East bengal Club
b. JCT, Phagwara
c. Mahindra United
d. Dempo SC
OK, at any time i have a fair idea about position, points, Goals-for, Goals-against and Goal-difference, home and away separate, of the top ten teams in English Premier League, Spanish and the Italian Leagues. Yes, I didn't answer this question.I didn't know about our own fukin league!!
Which one of the following is not correct about Palagummi Sainath?
a. Development journalist(what the fuck is that!!).
b. Expert on famine and hunger.
c. Was a student of Delhi University( I know only one university, VTU)
d. Grand son of former president V. V. Giri ( Do i look like a fukin genealogist?)
Match the following
First thing, how the fuk do you spell those names?
Second thing, my state does not have a frigging chief minister and we are worried about presidents of other nation states. What fukin shit.
The best question in the paper, in fact the best question i have ever come across in my life ( because for once i felt all that time spent watching movies came to some use) ...
Match the correct combination in the following:
The only problem was that this question brought all sorts of thoughts ( and not to speak of the still visible thong in front!)...
12. "Children..... stooppppp!!!".
I get dressed and open the door. A dead cat right at the doormat. *phew*. What a day!.
9.30 . I am inside the examination centre. The chick in front of me is showing her thong in all glory and my concentration is put under test even before the darn exam has begun!
9.35 . I look around. I love you *****. Love is blind but lovers are not. Love is that. Love is this. Teenage graffiti.
9.40 . I happen to notice my bench. Take any point on the bench. Within a radius of 1 cm you will find 10 holes!.
9.45 . A lady enters. "Children... If you have any chits, papers .. throw them out now only. I am giving you chance now only. Later the squad will come and check. Your future is in your hand(holy shit!!)... I am very strict in these matters... Even if they don't catch , i will catch you(.|.) "
10. The Q-papers are distributed and i am assume Murphy is laughing. Because its in a totally different format from what it was supposed to be. They apparently took a leaf out of meaow's book!.
Some morons start asking clarifications about the paper to the lady.*sigh*.
For the benefit of future aspirants i want to analyze some questions.....
Which of the following teams secured the runner-up position in India's National Football League 2006-07?
a. East bengal Club
b. JCT, Phagwara
c. Mahindra United
d. Dempo SC
OK, at any time i have a fair idea about position, points, Goals-for, Goals-against and Goal-difference, home and away separate, of the top ten teams in English Premier League, Spanish and the Italian Leagues. Yes, I didn't answer this question.I didn't know about our own fukin league!!
Which one of the following is not correct about Palagummi Sainath?
a. Development journalist(what the fuck is that!!).
b. Expert on famine and hunger.
c. Was a student of Delhi University( I know only one university, VTU)
d. Grand son of former president V. V. Giri ( Do i look like a fukin genealogist?)
Match the following
Country President
i.Ghana a) Umaru Yar'Adua
ii.Tanzania b) Yoweri Museveni
iii.Nigeria c) John Agyekum Kufor
iv.Uganda d) Jakaya Mrisho Kikwete
First thing, how the fuk do you spell those names?
Second thing, my state does not have a frigging chief minister and we are worried about presidents of other nation states. What fukin shit.
The best question in the paper, in fact the best question i have ever come across in my life ( because for once i felt all that time spent watching movies came to some use) ...
Match the correct combination in the following:
Actresses Featured in a James Bond Movie
i.Izabella Scorupco a. The World is not enough
ii.Teri Hatcher b. Die Another Day
iii.Sophie Marceau c. Golden Eye
iv.Rosamund Pike d. Tomorrow Never Dies.
The only problem was that this question brought all sorts of thoughts ( and not to speak of the still visible thong in front!)...
12. "Children..... stooppppp!!!".
SOP writing for dummies
When it comes to applying for Masters abroad, giving GRE is the easiest part. Some universities even ask for the years when you finished your class 1 to class 10 individually. For the benefit of future aspirants i will put down a simple procedure for writing SOPs and recommendation letters - a chat between me and my cousin. Its ad verbatim except some details [in {}]censored.
VC: dude
bro: whats up???
VC: the sop :)
did u review?
bro: read your SOP
looks good
VC: ok...
bro: too big
VC: oh!!
bro: one page man
VC: oh.. thats too small man
bro: nope
mine was a page
too much details
about {dept} engg
VC: ok....
bro: and networks and bullshit
nobody cares
VC: ok...
bro: first talk about background
{college}
VC: ok....
bro: courses
relevant
etc etc
then
{company}
what ou did there
VC: ok...
bro: then say i want to do
meng in CS
to gain more knowledge
about certain areas
and done
VC: wah!!
:)
i will trim it
bro: yeah
VC: i will remove all those world crap n all
bro: nobody wants to read more than a page
seriously
everyone knows networks are ubiquiotus
you dont have to tell them
VC: ya ya
:)
bro: :)
this is my opinion
trim it to a page
and shoot me a copy
VC: yap.. i will
bro: and i will tell you
what more to do
sounds good?
VC: cool...
y a p
bro: excellent
VC: i will also fwd u my lors... take a look at em also
bro: lors?
VC: recos
bro: oh
ok
in my opinion
as long as they say good student
motivated
hard working
shows keen interest to learn new things
good enough
VC: :)
ya.. i will include these words
bro: and do include
VC: they are tehre anyways
bro: the fact that cousin in {univ}
if you are applying here
VC: ok.. ya sounds good
bro: why {univ}
because i heard great things abt courses at {univ}
excellent faculty
rigorous and multitude of courses
and plethora of opportunities
VC: haha
bro: through my brother
VC: cool!!
bro: who is currently a MS PhD candidate in the {Dept}
ok?
VC: yo
I went to the college to find out a teacher who would give me a recomendation letter. Most of them had already been picked by fellow applicants and to keep your own and their chances of getting an admit intact you try to minimise the number of recomendations a faculty gives for the same university.
I stood in the department lobby waiting for the teacher and she finally came. I made eye contact with her and smiled. She kept walking.
VC:"Mam .. i need to talk to you"
Mam:"Come"
I am about to take my chair and she says
Mam:"Recomendation letter aa?"
VC:"Yes Mam!"
Mam:"All through the semester , you just slept in the class and now you want recomendation letter!!??"
VC:"Mam.. please mam!"
Mam:"But why should i give you?"
VC:"Because i am applying for {course-name} course and you had taught us {sub-name} subject."
Mam:"Alright.. get a draft in proper format. I will review it and then get evrything at one go. I wont keep signing every now and then. You can go."
VC: PHEW!
And then the madam was the most sweetest of all when it actually came down to signing and filling the online forms. Weird?. You bet!.
VC: dude
bro: whats up???
VC: the sop :)
did u review?
bro: read your SOP
looks good
VC: ok...
bro: too big
VC: oh!!
bro: one page man
VC: oh.. thats too small man
bro: nope
mine was a page
too much details
about {dept} engg
VC: ok....
bro: and networks and bullshit
nobody cares
VC: ok...
bro: first talk about background
{college}
VC: ok....
bro: courses
relevant
etc etc
then
{company}
what ou did there
VC: ok...
bro: then say i want to do
meng in CS
to gain more knowledge
about certain areas
and done
VC: wah!!
:)
i will trim it
bro: yeah
VC: i will remove all those world crap n all
bro: nobody wants to read more than a page
seriously
everyone knows networks are ubiquiotus
you dont have to tell them
VC: ya ya
:)
bro: :)
this is my opinion
trim it to a page
and shoot me a copy
VC: yap.. i will
bro: and i will tell you
what more to do
sounds good?
VC: cool...
y a p
bro: excellent
VC: i will also fwd u my lors... take a look at em also
bro: lors?
VC: recos
bro: oh
ok
in my opinion
as long as they say good student
motivated
hard working
shows keen interest to learn new things
good enough
VC: :)
ya.. i will include these words
bro: and do include
VC: they are tehre anyways
bro: the fact that cousin in {univ}
if you are applying here
VC: ok.. ya sounds good
bro: why {univ}
because i heard great things abt courses at {univ}
excellent faculty
rigorous and multitude of courses
and plethora of opportunities
VC: haha
bro: through my brother
VC: cool!!
bro: who is currently a MS PhD candidate in the {Dept}
ok?
VC: yo
I went to the college to find out a teacher who would give me a recomendation letter. Most of them had already been picked by fellow applicants and to keep your own and their chances of getting an admit intact you try to minimise the number of recomendations a faculty gives for the same university.
I stood in the department lobby waiting for the teacher and she finally came. I made eye contact with her and smiled. She kept walking.
VC:"Mam .. i need to talk to you"
Mam:"Come"
I am about to take my chair and she says
Mam:"Recomendation letter aa?"
VC:"Yes Mam!"
Mam:"All through the semester , you just slept in the class and now you want recomendation letter!!??"
VC:"Mam.. please mam!"
Mam:"But why should i give you?"
VC:"Because i am applying for {course-name} course and you had taught us {sub-name} subject."
Mam:"Alright.. get a draft in proper format. I will review it and then get evrything at one go. I wont keep signing every now and then. You can go."
VC: PHEW!
And then the madam was the most sweetest of all when it actually came down to signing and filling the online forms. Weird?. You bet!.
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